Hi there! I'm so sorry I've been a little busy & I dont have time to blog. But, some times I do think to myself, is anyone even reading it? Haha..it doesn't matter that much to me, as I told you in my 'blog purpose' entry..I'm not writing all this to be popular, but to make sure my friends & family know that I'm OK, and that I'm not doing drugs or not over socializing at frat parties. ;p
Anyway, as I walked through campus I suddenly had a thought. I thought of all the people that have said things to me, said things to discourage me, & how wrong they were about it. It might not be their intent to discourage me, but somehow what they said did that. But I also think a few of them purposely said those things in spite of hatred or maybe out of selfishness.
A few have stuck with me till now, and I'd just like to share some with you. I won't name them because my purpose is not to scrutinise them, but to prove that sometimes people high up the ladder are wrong, even with their experience & age.
My Analogue Electronics Prof (undergraduate years)
I once came to his office during term breaks. You know that lecturers still work when the students are on their semester breaks right? Well I came back to uni early to study & finish up my tutorials. Since everyone wasn't back yet, I had a lot of questions about the tutorials because I couldn't ask any of my classmates, & especially because he did not give us a lecture about that chapter yet. I'm not super smart, I have to work hard & I take time to understand problems, especially ones pertaining to mathematics & logic. (yeah maybe engineering was a mistake for me, hehe)...So I went to his office with like 4 questions to ask him.
He was known for his strict & unfriendly demeanor, but I didn't mind that because it was not his friendship I sought after, but his knowledge in that field. He was OK with the first & second question, but at the third he said this to me (I'm rephrasing it in English):
' Why are you asking so many questions? Did you copy all the answers from your friends? Is that why you don't understand so much?'
I was completely....shocked...not to mentioned embarrassed. I replied with a small voice:
'Of course not Prof, I couldn't ask anyone about this because no one is back yet from their break.'
'Really? I don't understand how you have so many questions. Usually people who ask so many questions like this 'tiru org membabi buta'. How do you expect to succeed with this attitude? I assure you, you won't get far.'
After he said that I was done being insulted. There I was, famished for knowledge..and I got accused of copying, accused of being unethical & dishonest. So I got up, said 'Thanks Prof, sorry for wasting your time'..and cried alone in my room. I scored a B- in that course by the way, just because I was no longer interested in learning it.
So you see, this scarred me forever. I do not see what I did wrong, I've asked like more than 10 questions to other professors & they were completely fine & in fact, they like seeing students have interest in what they teach. The words 'you won't get far' was embedded into my mind, & I carried that with me for years. Not as a grudge against the prof, but as a motivator to do better. To silently prove that he was wrong.
And now..here I am...I won a gold medal for my final year project, and a silver medal for a project collaboration with other students, got a dean's list CGPA 3 times, bought my first house at the age of 22, founded LippyLito.co (this was really a small thing but to me it was a personal achievement, & I would have definitely wanted to see how far we could go) and came out with our own inhouse design after 6 months of establishment(& they all sold out too), I'm a senior design engineer at 25, & I'm currently in an Ivy League school with a full scholarship from the Malaysian government. & this is just the beginning, I have a loooong way to go.
The childish side of me wants to go back to that professor and say..'THAT'S how far I got, you dumbass'..but the adult in me just smiles & scoffs at the thought, and move on with life.
This is only one of the examples of people trying to bring me down. And some of them were even very close to me. There are many more but I realize this entry will be as long as a book if I were to list all. Please be clear that I am not writing this to show off my achievements. I'm writing this to reach out to people who have been undermined, insulted & thought less of. The people around you DO NOT define who you are, although they may influence you in some way. There will always be people who'll try to make you think less of yourself, who'll try to tell you you're not worth it. Believe me, they are so wrong. If you believe in yourself, have blessing from God & your parents, work & pray hard enough to achieve your dreams, I would say insyaALLAH you'll get them. You may take longer than other's, but you'll get there. And remember you are not struggling alone. The people who love & appreciate you believe in you too, so don't ever do anything to loose your support system. They'll definitely have your back.
I really hope everyone achieves their dreams, as I did achieve mine. Piece y'll~
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