Hey people!!~ I had a sudden urge to read about how to maintain a Long Distance Relationship. I do worry if me and puyeng (thats his nickname, his real name is faisal) can handle the long distance, and the 12 hour time difference. We've been together for almost 8 years..and I've gotten use to seeing him whenever I want to. I sure hope we can handle the 15 months apart, so here's some tips that I find useful in surviving a LDR:
- Create your own set of relationship rules that both of you have mutually agreed upon. Your partner and you should set rules for each other, to make sure you are on the same page and to avoid future arguments. Puyeng & I have basically listed down what we want and what we don't want each other to do during our time apart, so hopefully we can both be clear of how we expect our partner to behave when we aren't with them.
- Don’t Create Drama. I admit during our 8 years together there are some arguments that we (ok maybe only myself) created just because we were bored (8 years man!~). It was fun to resolve the argument and to make up after the fight, but I think if you are in a LDR this can be fatal to your relationship. So hopefully NO drama for us.
- Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a long-distance relationship is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. I hope that being apart we can both pursue what each other want with full focus (him being his career and me about my studies).
- Avoid the temptation to be controlling. This is really dangerous. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. Both of us aren't the controlling type, and we both appreciate our personal space. So hopefully the distance won't amplify our need to control each other's every move.
- Consider using Skype video chat calls every day or as often as possible, text messaging, phone calls and email every day. It is important to maintain contact and to be in each others daily lives as much as possible. Throughout the years we've been together, we have never failed to keep in contact every single day (unless we are arguing of course!~). I guess the frequency is different for each couple, but we prefer daily contact. It's also something to look forward to after a long day at work.
- Trust Each Other. I think this is the most crucial of all. It's natural for us to feel jealous if we know that our partner is going out with the opposite sex, even if its just for a casual drink or movie. But I think I've learned to suppress this feeling, and just trust that Puyeng won't do anything to hurt me. I trust that he loves me enough to know that once he breaks my heart, then it's over & there wont be any more 'we'. And of course this works both ways, I always think of him in everything I do.
And here's one tip that appears in almost all the websites of LDR advices that I googled, which is a big NO NO for me and Puyeng.
- Because time together is rare, when you do see each other, take as much advantage as possible of your ability to get intimate (yup its the 'S' word) with each other. You don't have that privilege during those stretches when you can’t be with each other physically. You’ve got to keep those feelings of excitement and attraction alive or they will wane in time.
A lot of people are saying that a LDR is too much work, and that things won't work out between me and Puyeng. But they forget that they are not the people who are in the relationship. Its us..me and Puyeng..and insyaallah, with a lot of effort, doa and love...i really hope to get back to his arms next year to be his wife...=)
Piece y'all~
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