Something random happened...i signed into my old gmail account just to check out my email, and  stumbled upon my old blog...I was in the middle of doing homework, but now I can't focus...

The reason is because I read a post that I wrote 3 years ago...and it was about my mom...now as I remember the memory of her during her years of being healthy...i'm crumbling with grief and tears...owh how i miss her so much...

I just want to share what I wrote in 2009, right after I graduated...i just want to remind anyone who's reading this...please cherish the people who love you...please savor every second with them...tell them you love them, or at least let them know that you care..

Mom,i miss you and love you..Al-fatihah...

--------------------

August 7th, 2009

Dear mum,

Today I had lunch with your best friend, Aunty Limah. She brought me to that japanese restaurant in equatorial hotel, and aunty limah ordered me your favourite dish (seafood teppanyaki).

We sat and talked, of course about you. How we miss you so much..and how you'll live in our hearts forever. Dah setahun izza tak jumpe aunty limah, and she hasnt changed a bit. Still as graceful and beautiful as she was before.

Aunty tanye pasal izza, adek2 and ayah. I told her we were okayh, despite the fact that we miss u. I asked her to advise me about what path i should take in the future, i'm so confused right now mum~i wish u were here to tell me things i needed to hear.

We shared our memories of you. I told her how i missed waking up to see you getting ready in my room(i still dunno why u love to use my mirror when ur's is 10 times huger than mine!!~). She told me you were very happy and excited when i started buying and wearing makeup, and dolling up whenever I go out. Something I never knew.

Aunty asked me what i've been up to these few years, how my studies were. She said she's so glad to hear I've been doing fine in my studies, and that if you were still here you would be proud. I needed to hear that so much...

There were so many times I choked up tears while talking about you, it has never been easy. Even after these 3 years. I told aunty its so hard to be the strong one in the family, and that I would often cry in the middle of the night without any reason, just becuase i miss u. Crying and crying in silence until i have no tears left, until i cry myself to sleep. Aunty carressed my hand, comforted me...we both felt how much we've lost since you passed away.

We both talked about how you were full of life, how you still went to the interview for the promotion of being a Prof. a week before you died. You were so positve that you'd live, and I'm confident that there are so many things you would have wanted to do.

After two hours of talking, aunty drove me back to my car. We said our goodbyes, and I hugged her as I would have hugged you..

I miss you mom..

I'll never forget you...

I long for your love, to hear your laughter again, to taste your cooking..

I know you didnt want to go, I know you fought hard for us..

But its okayh mommy..I understand that its your time to go..I know you're watching over me every second..and you'll be in my heart as long as i live..

No one can replace u, and you'll never be forgotten..

I love u Norhayati Abdul Mukti, my mummy...

Hi people..it's all over the news that there's going to be a storm tomorrow..called 'hurricane sandy'..i sure hope everything will be fine..On a more happier note, this weekend is Dartmouth's Homecoming weekend. All the alumni's come back to see each other, march in the parade and also experience the homecoming bonfire. 

This event is one of Dartmouth's traditions, and I felt really lucky to watch the whole scene...don't think I can get this experience anywhere else...

The night stated with a parade..Some people might think it was boring, but to me it was amazing because it was sweet to see all the classes (right from 1942) hold hands and walk together with every body else in their class..So here in Dartmouth, you'll be grouped into which year you graduate..most of the undergraduate courses here take 4 years to finish, hence every freshman entering Dartmouth this year is a 2016...

Just to be clear, I'm in the class of 2014..even though I'll finish my master's in November 2013 (insyaALLAH), but my graduation ceremony is in June 2014. Yeah sorry I know it's confusing. Here's some of the pictures from the parade, sorry the pics aren't so clear because I obviously do not know how to operate my camera at night:

After the parade was over, we went to the big green (thats what we call our park situated in between the town and the college). It was so lively, so many people were there. You could feel the Dartmouth bond in the atmosphere, every one there clearly loved Dartmouth & I bet most of the alumni came from across the country and perhaps all over the world.

Something was happening at the building below, a speech by someone..we had no idea who..haha..

I really just wanted to see the bonfire. Think of the event as the seniors passing down the torch to the freshmen of class 2016. The tradition of freshmen running around the bonfire began in 1904 when the Sixth Earl of Dartmouth visited the College to lay the cornerstone for the new Dartmouth Hall, which had been destroyed by fire that February. Students built an enormous bonfire to celebrate the earl's visit.  And the tradition has continued till today, but perhaps the reason for the bonfire has evolved into welcoming the new students.

So once the bonfire has been lit up, student's from class 2016 will start running around the fire. I'm not sure how many rounds they have to complete...Here's what the bonfire looked like during construction:

And just before it was lit up:

Finally after about a 30 minute wait,we saw all the freshman of 2016 getting ready to run. And owh my god, the fire was awesome and massive! It was increadible to look at. I think the flames got up to like 50 feet from the ground. You can see the look of amazement in people's faces as they watched the whole event. Well, some were busy swearing at the 16's, I guess they thought that was more fun.

And I don't have any good pictures of the freshmen running because they were going pretty fast so all the pictures came out blurry. And can you see how bright the fire was:

I stayed to watched for about 20 minutes. Pranjali, Dhruv & Madhurya wanted me to come along with them to join the 16's run around the fire..and I was like 'Uhhh..it's ok...i'm too old to do things like that'..haha..i know I'm so lame..Malas okay nak berpeluh2 and lari dengan kanak2.

And group photos are a must in my blog..=)

Gotta get back to work, see you guys later~

Hey everyone, I have so much to blog about but as usual so little time..Stay tuned for: Homecoming weekend:the bonfire night, no longer a football game virgin & halloween party posts coming up. In the meantime, smile (camera click)..=)

Hey people..I'm just gonna take a minute to update you guys on our bowling night last Friday. I was up early that day (6.00am) to get ready to go to Concord. I reached Hanover at about 2pm, rushed to a Linked-In workshop organized by the Tuck School of Business, and went back to sleep because I was half dead after only 10 minutes of the workshop.

I regret not setting the alarm, because I knew we had bowling that night. Everyone was suppose to gather somewhere at 9.15pm, and depart to the bowling place together at 9.30pm. I seriously did not know I would sleep that long, and I only woke up because Joyce called. 

"Izza where r u?"

"Uhhh..at home why what happened?"

"We're suppose to go bowling and Joe's waiting for you because he's your ride tonight".

I looked at my watch at it was 9.38pm..

"Shit..hold on tell Joe to give me 10 minutes and I'll be there".

Damn...so i washed my face, combed my hair and rushed out to where we're suppose to meet. Thank god the place was so near to my house. And thank god Joe was such a nice guy so he wasn't mad at all..

The night was awesome and I did get the second highest score in my team..and I'm not gonna tell you because the score still sucked..Haha, okay it was 95....Some pics from the bowling night:

Vivien, Joyce & Mengyi

As you can see, everyone had a fun time chatting and bowling at the same time...

And after the game we all cheered on Alex as he tried to win a stuffed animal with that 'Toy Taxi' machine..he tried that machine twice, and he won both times..way to go Alex! Haha...

Alex with one of his creepy stuffed animal..

And yeah there is a stripper club right next to this bowling alley, but I didn't go in. Haha, sorry to disappoint you guys. But I heard from the guys that did go in, the girls there are fine...A personal lap dance was like $15, and you have to pay $5 to get in..how creative is that? To open a strip club together with a bowling alley? Hehe...

Hi there people...I know this entry is loooong overdue..I promised to write about the hike to Moousilauke, part 2 about a month ago...and I guess there has been more interesting things happening so I kinda deferred this post.

You can read about part 1 here.

So what happened the next morning was that we woke up at 6.30am, and had breakfast at the main lodge. We got together in groups, and I was like....'Hey guys which group has the most beginners? And which group is going up at a reaaaaaalllly slow pace?'...Yup I know, pathetic...I can't help it if I am not just the hiking type..here's us going towards the trail..

A pretty stream of water..I would have wanted to stop there and have a snack but the water was ice cold..

A mushroom that seriously looked like a pancake...don't you think so?

Here's our pack leader, Alex and Dhruv....they were always ahead...but they'd stop sometime to wait for us (okay I mean me) to catch up with them...

I was not talking to anyone during the whole hike...I was like 'Muussst....saaavveee...energyyyyy..fuh'...haha...everyone was like 'Izza why do you have your freaking sweater on, we're all drenched with sweat, aren't you hot?'....Me: 'Sorry guys I have no energy to take this sweater off now please don't talk to me'...Drama queen right?Haha....

Then suddenly Dhruv shouted 'Holy Shit'....He sounded like he found a dead body...So we all rushed to him (he was in front)..and saw that he was admiring a beautiful view of the mountain framed between trees..I was like 'That's why you shouted? Because you saw a mountain? We're on a mountain right now dude whats the big deal?'..See, its not that I don't enjoy nature...I love seeing God's creations and I think they're so perfect and unrealistically beautiful, but I just don't enjoy seeing them when I'm half dying from the lack of energy. It was a really hard hike, for me at least.

The whole group...

After what felt like forever, we reached the top after 2 hours. But you know what sucked? It was too foggy so we couldn't see anything. There was no view at all...NADA~ I dragged myself 4000 ft up to see fog and to be frozen to death? I guess we were really unlucky that day..We saw piles of rocks at the peak, I guess people who reached the peak added stones to the piles as a signature that they've been there.

And yeah, not to mention I could barely walk for like 3 days after the hike..Hrmm, it was a nice experience but I'll sure think twice the next time people ask me out to go hiking with them..haha..till later guys~

Hi people...it's really hard to pull off a fashionable look when you are in the machine shop. They make us wear caps and these hipster glasses, and i look like an idiot. It's okayh if you are having a bad day you can look at the picture below and laugh at me, if that'll make you feel better. Can't write much because it's 1 AM already and I have a class at 8 AM tomorrow morning. Goodnight~

Tried out a recipe of 'cream carbonara' and it turned out not bad...My sister and I love this dish, and I didn't know it was so easy to make..To puyeng: Sorry baby I can't practice on making Malaysian dishes a lot because of how difficult it is to get the ingredients...and i know you'll eat whatever I cook for you and say its delicious, right baby???=)....haha..will blog about the MEM's bowling/bar/strip club night later...yes they are all in the same place..;p

Hey guys..I'm soooo disappointed..i'm suppose to go to this thriller dance workshop but suddenly all my friends who said they wanted to go couldnt make it. See we are having a flash mob this Saturday at our Halloween Party, so whoever wants to join that can attend a workshop...and I would love to know how to dance to thriller. Im not mad at my friends, Im mad at myself because I dont have the guts to go alone...

So instead I'm doing homework, which as usual I have tons of...But of course, i need to blog before that..=)..Let me tell you guys about our little trip to Concord last Friday...

If you read my posts before this, you'd know that I have been denied to get a SSN number, so I have to reapply hence the trip to Concord.

We rented a car, and I was the one driving. It was scary, because Malaysians drive on the left side of the road and here it's the right side. But I managed by being alert & extra careful. The journey was awesome, the view was amazing because the trees were all golden red and orange. Sorry I don't have any pics on that (not a good thing to take pictures while you're driving). We had the car until 2pm, and we were finished with the SSN thingie by 11am. So we decided to have brunch. Mr. Google told us to go the Newell Post, apparently they have the best breakfast in New Hampshire.

Mr. Google was right, the breakfast was awesome. I had these heavenly strawberry pancakes which gave you a food orgasm every time you put it in your mouth. Haha..they were so fluffy and sooooo yummy...

The restaurant was full of people, & had a cozy welcoming ambiance...Here's Aarya, Shirley and Madhurya..

Apparently the food was more important & thats why Madhurya focused on the food instead of me..=/

We ate and chatted for an hour, and headed back. But before that, group photos~Haha..

And please allow me to polish my non existent modelling skills..;p

Next step, is once I have my SSN i can apply for a New Hampshire's drivers licence..That has to be done in Concord too, but I don't mind because I'm missing the pancakes already..=)

Hi guys..just wanted to share with you the beauty of fall..=)

Okay..so it's not really a life and death situation...but since it involves fashion, to me it is...Halloween is coming up!!! I remember when I was a kid, during that time my parents were doing their PHDs in Michigan State University. I only remember two costumes I wore during Halloween, one was a princess (LAME~) and the other one is.......wait for it........a freakin PUMPKIN!! (I refuse to show you guys the pictures even though I still have them). I do not know how my parents could just let me embarrass myself. So this year, I thought of going as a maid marion:

But the price is too expensive. Soo I found two other costumes that I really like. These costumes cost half the price of the maid marion one:

Beauty Circus Clown:

  or the

Sexy Burlesque Victorian Vampiress:

These two are a little too sexy to me. I dont wanna show a lot of skin (hence the maid marion option), but don't worry I have plans on how to cover things up. So which one do you favor?Help me please~

Hi there!  i had a very annoying conversation with a government officer today. I received a rejection letter for my Social Security Number (SSN) application, so I called the office to ask why. Here's how the conversation went:

Officer: Boston Security Office how may I help you?

Me: Hi. I received a letter & blablabla (I explained the whole thing).

Officer: Let me check your records.

.

.

.

Me: Hello?

Officer: Yeah, your application did not get through.

Me: May I please know why?Were there any incomplete documents?

Officer: We cannot tell you why you were rejected.

Me: Owhh..okay..so do I have to go to Boston again or should I do it in Concord, because I am a Dartmouth Student and Concord is nearer. (it's 1 hour away)

Officer: You should have done it in Concord. Maybe that's why you got rejected.

Me: No. My friend (Joyce) applied the same time I did and she's a Dartmouth student too, she got her SSN last week.

Officer: It's different for every person.

Me: (Said what the fish silently)...Ok tq!

So looks like I need to go and apply for my SSN again..And the call was no help at all..damn, another to do listed in my chores...=(

Hey hey~ I know I'm bombarding you guys with post's during the weekends but thats the only time I have to write and to report what's been happening, the weekdays are crazily busy for me. So here's another post on what I did on Friday. We have an art centre called The Hopkins Centre of the Arts and we nickname it "The Hop" here. It's where all the art students perform, and sometimes there are awesome shows from really famous people. I'm lucky because this year the hop is celebrating it's 50th anniversary, so there are a lot more awesome shows than usual. I went to a show involving these people:

It's called "Igniting Imagination", & the university called all the Dartmouth's alumni who became famous to perform. (hrmm...tak kenal diorng sape? Don't worry, same here...some faces are familiar tp yang lain2 tu ntah sape2..hehe). But OWH MY GOD, they are sooooooo talented. I sat really near to the stage, and I could see everything and was amazed how their beautiful voices echoed throughout the hall..The host was Aisha Tyler (she's the one on the far left, muka familiar tp tk tau pernah nampak kat ne), and she made the whole auditorium roar with laughter because she's freaking funny, and she's so beautiful.

Before the performance, there was a projection show by Ross Ashton outside the hop. Here's what the hop looks like during the day:

Here's what it looked like during the projection show:

So awesome right? 

And you know what's the best part? For student's the tickets are discounted to $5, so we get to see  world class performances for such a cheap price! Here's what it looked like inside the auditorium:

The show went on for 1 hour and 30 minutes..There was singing, archapello (acapella?), a digital orchestra (they made music with all the sounds of Dartmouth, like the sound of bell chimes from the Baker library, it was so awesome), a live orchestra, and a whole lot more...And of course I have to have a picture of myself in all my posts, haha....

That's Madhurya, Joyce and myself...

And I got to take a picture with Micheal from Dartmouth's Glee Club (Dartmouth Aires), and I've known them since before I came to the US. They won second place in the reality show 'Sing-Off'...You should see how awesome his vocals are in the video below:

I don't know what you guys think, but I was so entertained by their performance..Then again I love music, and this video makes me wanna dance!~ Haha...I love Dartmouth..=)

Hi guys..yeah it's not much..but I noticed that I've reached 2000 views after I debuted my blog with 'the proposal' post..A hug thank you and a biiiiiiiiig hug from me to you guys! To Puyeng: Or is it just you tuning into my blog over & over again? Haha....whatever, I just love you guys..Take care all~

Just got back from a party that's suppose to be a stress reliever for the MEM's (if you guys still don't know, its Master of Engineering Management) because we've all worked hard on our presentation earlier this week...The party was...boooooring~i had more fun getting ready for the party..haha..we weren't the ones hosting it, because there's a place here called 'salt hill club' and every Saturday they have a 'club night'...so all of us thought it would be great to dance and drink..(of course I was there to just drink pepsi and laugh at people who get drunk)..but yeah the music was boring and everyone was sober so I stayed there until 11.30 and went back home..(the 'party' stated at 10.30pm)...i would much rather be reading a marketing article from the Harvard business school..which was what I was doing before I went to the lame event..so since I've curled my hair and wore makeup for nothing, you guys get to suffer and see myself being vain again! hehe..sorry I'm just sad I took longer to get ready than being at the party itself...so bare with me ok..;p

Dear Faisal,

This is not something I do very often, convey what I feel about you in a public space. But this can be an exception, because you have been great and the time difference makes it hard to have long conversations with you. First of all...a huuuuuuuuge 'THANK YOU!' from me..I know you didn't sign up for this..You've known about my dreams of pursuing my postgraduate studies in the US, but both of us never really thought it would happen. And I know its not because you didn't believe in me, but the economy was not so encouraging & I have been trying for years to get a scholarship with no success.

So when I finally did get one, and when I was finally offered an admission to Dartmouth, I guess it was a suprise for both of us. I could feel that it was hard for you to accept, to swallow the truth that I'll be away from you for 15 months. We have been together for 8 years, and not once have we been apart this long, & this far. I have so much respect for you because not once did you say 'Don't go'...Instead, what you said to me was 'This is your dream & I will support you all the way'..How lucky am I, to get someone as selfless as you. You have been my rock, you have been there for me through everything. Especially after mom died, when I had anxiety attacks and burst out crying & couldn't stop for no reason. You were there to hold my hand, to wait patiently until the grief passed and I could finally start breathing normally again.

I'm so sorry to take out 15 months out of our relationship, and to have to turn it into a LDR. Believe me, it hurts to not have you near me. To have no one to cheer me up when I'm down, buy me salted popcorn every time we see a movie and hold my hand through tough times. It has been a month and a half, yes time do flies. But I miss you every second, and i think of you when I am not busy studying or doing homework. I do cry a lot, a huge part of it is because I miss you, but another part is because of the fear i feel. Fear of losing you to whatever lies ahead. I trust you with all my heart, but I know that everything is in Allah's S.W.T hands, and that we can only plan the future. But do know, that I love you, and I will always be faithful to you. I cannot imagine being in love with anyone but you. So, please hold on okay babe? Let's keep doing what we're doing, by being honest & tolerant with each other. I know it's hard, & no matter what people say it's us who is in the relationship, we'll be the one's who decides if it'll work or fail. 

Just....don't stop loving me like you do okay? It's the best feeling in the world~=)

Can't wait to get back to you, luv,

-izza-

Just got back from dinner, it was my first time meeting Si Jie and Dan..Si Jie's from KL and Dan's from setiawan, perak...Had an awesome time chatting about stuff, and yeah I finally got to speak Malay again...Never thought I'd say this..but I really miss speaking in Malay..especially 'Kentut laaa kau~'....(i usually say this to replace "Bodoh laa kau~" to my idiotic friends because it's much more nicer and it's not good to say bodoh a lot to people coz nanti diorng betul2 bodoh kn, haha)..so we chatted and ate whats suppose to be 'authentic thai food'...but it wasn't at all..Both were so nice, and since Si Jie has a car she offered to drive me to the market if I needed a ride...So nice of her~Love meeting people & making new friends..=)